


Another Deep Rattling Breath

by WhumpTown



Category: Iron Man - Fandom, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Pneumonia, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, The Arc Reactor causes lots of health problems, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-20 17:03:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18529357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhumpTown/pseuds/WhumpTown
Summary: “It’s bad,” Tony repeats, his tone defeated and heartbroken. “Bad, bad, bad.” Tony’s eyes land on Steve and he looks confused and hurt,” Steve, don’t hurt the kid? It’s my fault, he doesn't know any better. I’m bad not him, Steve. Steve? Steve please.”“ETA one minute!”Steve looks up for a moment, catching sight of the tower and breathing a sigh of relief. “Tony, hey, look at me.” He pins Tony’s hands to his chest,” no one’s getting hurt. Peter’s safe, you saved him.”----Tony saves Peter, once again, but this time might be that last





	1. Chapter 1

The 2011 Honda Civic sitting in the garage.

The green graduation gown in Peter’s closet.

The new beige rug in the living room.

The round coffee table. 

The coffee stain on the garage wall.

Tony takes a deep rattling breath, he has to calm down. He starts his list again, trying to focus on how the Honda Civic makes him feel rather than the pressure or the shrapnel ripping through his chest. He got that Honda Civic for Peter. He hates the Honda Civic but May said it is one of the safest cars a kid can have. Plus, Peter loves it. It’s an ugly thing, bulky and can’t drive as fast as any of Tony’s but he wants the kid to be safe. That’s all that matters.

“T-Tony?”

He manages to pull an eyelid open, his chest on fire and he can’t remember why. Peter looks scared, Tony hates it. He’s too young for this, he should have stayed home. He told him to stay home… didn’t he? Why is it so cold?

He closes his eyes and repeats his list back to himself. These things are real, he reminds himself. There is no sand. This is not the desert. This isn’t Afganistan.

He loses his breath for a moment and he’s standing in Mark 1 all over again. Yinsen is yelling at him to keep moving, he’s got to keep moving. He can’t move his legs and-and there’s water. So much water. They dunk his head again and he’s certain that they’ll kill him this time. The cold water burns his lungs, each inhale he takes hurts, and he’d stop if he could but he has no control over his body as he sucks in each new painful breath.

“Tony!” Steve’s right above him, his hands shaking his shoulders hard. His stomach twist and the nausea makes his head feel like it’s splitting open. It’s just enough to make him forget about the gaping hole in his chest. “What’s going on? Can I do anything?” The big idiot can see the hole, surely, but there’s nothing any of them can do right now.

“Nothing important, Cap. Catch some Zs big guy, we’ve got a long while left in here.” The old nickname just rolls off of his tongue and it feels wrong given all that’s happened. Tony’s right hand comes up to touch the small scar on his temple. With his head pounding like it is he can almost disassociate enough to go back to that day. He can almost feel Cap’s shield coming down. 

He’s got to get out of here. He’s come too far. The PTSD, everything, because for once in his life he’s doing fairly decent mental health wise. He sees a therapist, he takes medicine rather than booze, and he’s got a support system. He has to get home to them. 

But Peter’s right beside him so this can’t be Afganistan-

Not unless they have Peter too.

“You’re okay, Pete.” His voice is raw and raspy and he can’t get that sentence out without his lungs kicking back and knocking the air out of him. He gasps as he tries to regain his composer, or what’s left of it. He doesn’t get it back. Each breath becomes harder to take and it feels like someone is taking a flame thrower to his organs. 

“I know I’m okay, Mr. Stark.” The kid’s face comes into focus and-and… Why is his head in Peter’s lap? The kid’s smile is forced but he eases an oxygen mask on to Tony’s face. The cool air makes the struggle to breathe ease just enough that he no longer feels like he’s breathing through a straw. “You’re the one that got hurt you big fool. Pepper’s gonna kick my butt.”

Tony eases back, Peter’s alright. That’s good, that’s all that matters. “P-Pepper?” Did the kid say Pepper? Why would she be here? 

Peter looks away from his mentor just long enough to shout over his shoulder,” Dr. Banner? I don’t think he’s doing any better!” He tries not to let his face betray his emotions but Tony always told him that his face is like a book. There’s no guessing when it comes to the emotions that he’s feeling. So he opts to comfort Tony as best as he can. Which is hard when there are tears streaming down his face. “Yeah, Tony. Pepper, she’s gonna kick my butt because we were supposed to look out for each other. I promised before we left.”

Tony reaches up, his arm bending oddly to cup Peter’s cheek. Peter laughs and puts his hand over Tony’s. Tony smiles,” all bark, no bite.” Peter smiles through it because that’s all he can do. Bruce promised Tony would make it to the hospital so Peter has to trust that. He’s also got to trust that Tony really does mean that Pepper’s all bark and no bite because he can’t handle the redhead’s rejection right now, too.

“All bark and no bite? Really, because I’ve seen her tear into you a few times.” Which is far from an exaggeration. He’d been working with Tony for years since he was sixteen and now he’s a fully decorated chemist with a Ph.D. He’s an adult, not that his age or status means anything to the Avengers. He’s finally grown into his head of curls and stands taller than Tony now but he’s still that sixteen-year-old YouTube web-slinger in a onesie to them. Even though he makes his own suits and he’s 24. “And she loves you. Imagine what she’ll do to me.”

Tony smiles and moves to answer Peter but his breath gets caught and they both scramble to set him up. Peter’s right there, offering Tony his support until he’s upright enough to successfully cough and hack away. Peter looks at Bruce, whos jogging from the cockpit of the Quinjet to them. He can tell the man is stressed out and he worries for Tony’s sake what that means. 

“Tony,” Bruce leans Tony back, forcing the mask back over his head. “You have to calm down.” Bruce readjusts the gauze that they had placed over the arc reactor hole, making sure it’s secure, before pushing Tony back down. “Look at me,” he takes his best friend’s jaw in his hand, forcing Tony to look at him. “The reactor is gone, Tony. I need you to stay calm because Nat can’t get us a new one until we land. I need you conscious for that. Do you understand?”

Tony struggles, chest heaving and arms trying to come up and claw at the hole the reactor is supposed to be. Bruce and Peter struggle to keep him from tearing at the skin,” Steve! Get your ass over here.”

Captain America, decked out in his stars and stripes, falls right into place. He grabs Tony’s left arm by the wrist, mumbling something in that soothing deep voice he uses with children. He catches the right one when Tony lashes out, something incoherent leaves his mouth as he panics. “Tony,” he tries to reason,” we’re on the Quinjet. You’re okay but one of the Hammer bots ripped out the arc reactor. Can you remember that?”

Tony doesn't look at Steve, there’s sweat pouring down his face and Bruce lays his wrist against Tony’s brow. “Fuck,” Bruce rolls his sleeves up and moves away from the bed. “Peter, get the blankets from the cots and get me a bucket of cool water.” Bruce pulls gloves over his hands, more for Tony’s protection than his own,” if we can’t break the fever, we’ve got more than just a missing reactor to deal with.”

Tony tries to pull his arms out of Steve’s grip, his fight growing weaker and weaker. “You gotta-Steve’s gonna-” Tony moves his head back and forth deliriously,” Peter can’t come. Germany’s bad! It’s bad!” Tony’s sobs break Steve’s heart and Peter can’t comfort his mentor like he wants to. The man is just lashing out and he’s losing it quickly. All Peter can do now is watch.

“It’s bad,” Tony repeats, his tone defeated and heartbroken. “Bad, bad, bad.” Tony’s eyes land on Steve and he looks confused and hurt,” Steve, don’t hurt the kid? It’s my fault, he doesn't know any better. I’m bad not him, Steve. Steve? Steve please.”

“ETA one minute!” 

Steve looks up for a moment, catching sight of the tower and breathing a sigh of relief. “Tony, hey, look at me.” He pins Tony’s hands to his chest,” no one’s getting hurt. Peter’s safe, you saved him.”

Tony nods his head. Where are they? He must be going into shock, Siberia is supposed to be cold. Unless… they can’t be in Siberia. Bruce and Nat didn’t come with him to Siberia, neither did Peter. “W-Where are we?” He tries to pull his arms from Steve’s grip but finds his fight useless. “What happened?”

Bruce presses a rag to Tony’s face and grimaces at just how quickly he has to pull it back. Tony’s skin is getting hotter and it looks like he’s stopped sweating. “There was an accident, Tony. Steve just told you, can you try to remember?”

Tony tries to move away from the rag,” Bruce, the accords? Why didn’t you go to jail? A-Are the others safe too? Is Peter okay?”

As if on cue, Peter steps back to his side. He takes Tony’s right hand, pulling it away from Steve’s grip. He smiles at his mentor as comforting as he can,” yeah. We’re all okay, Tony. The accords are-are… they’re more or less handled. Don’t you remember that? You saved us all? You found a hole in the phrasing.”

Tony shakes his head, that can’t be true. It can’t be. It doesn-

“He’s lost unconsciousness again!” Peter shouts out, he drops Tony’s hands, rubbing his own against his suit in the hopes of wiping some of the sweat away. “I’m timing it again.” Peter hits the timer and the seconds tic by. He stays right there, watching Bruce apply another cool rag to his mentor’s heated brow. The jet lands with minor difficulties. Medics poor in, all heading in different directions.

“Don’t move him!” Nat shouts as she runs out of the jet and in search of a new reactor.

Peter stands to watch. The medics poke Tony like a pincushion, his blood pressure making it hard for them to find a vein and keep an IV in his arm. They start pushing solutions, things that Peter has never heard of. It’s all happening quickly and the medics don’t understand how important the reactor is. 

“Move!” Nat elbows the medics out of the way. Shield may go toe to toe with weapons dealers and they’re one of the best in that aspect but they lack when it comes to medical care. At least when it comes to the special needs of the Avengers. However, Nat looks out for them and Bruce always knows what to do.

Nat waste no time, she pushes the reactor into place, twisting it until it blinks four or five times and turns on. They wait, all eyes on the heart monitor. “Come on. Come on,” Nat whispers. She acts cold and calculating. She is but she’s got a soft spot when it comes to Tony. She saw him through his sobriety. She coached him through the poisoning after-math. They’re friends and it makes her vulnerable but she’s never been able to push him away.

“Goddammit, Stark.” Clint paces agitated, waiting, just like them, to see some change.

“O2 is falling, we’ve got to incubate.”

“Heart rates falling!”

Peter moves closer but is pushed back. 

One last call is made before the medics are out of ear shot.

“Flatlining!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God, thanks for all of the comments and kudos! Damn!

**3 hours Earlier**

“You’re staying home.” The conviction in Tony’s tone when he says it makes Peter stop, water bottle half raised to his lips and body moving to his room to grab his suit. Peter turns, looking at Tony to gauge just how serious the older man is. Turns out, very. “I mean it, Peter. You’re not going.”

Peter nods, even though he’s still back peddling because the other’s are all going to fight Hammer Bots. He can handle Hammer Bots. The man hasn’t changed how he builds them in years, Peter’s been handling them for ages. It won’t even be a good challenge but it’s better than retreating to the lab for another boring day of nothing to do.

“Peter.” 

Peter sighs and stops walking, turning completely around to look at Tony and take what the man has to say seriously. “Yeah?” After he graduated college he took up a job at Stark Industries, but only because every office on the planet was grabbing at him. He tried out several places but none of them were challenging. They all wanted him to do stuff that he’d been doing with Tony since he was fifteen. He wanted to use his education and he found himself back on Tony’s doorstep and the man pulled him in with arms wide open.

Tony looks tired and Peter almost regrets his prickly, moodiness about being told to stay home. Tony quickly recovers and Peter gets over his slight guilt. “I’ve-I’ve just got a bad feeling about this one okay? Just promise me you’ll stay home?”

He’s agitated. He’s been working alone in the garage for the last three weeks because every time he goes down there Tony sulks off. It’s stupid and Peter hasn’t done anything to piss him off so why is he avoiding him? So, this time, he doesn’t mean what he says. He’s not thinking and he wants to help and he’s a fucking adult. He’s not fifteen anymore. He doesn’t need Tony to help him build suits or stop him from taking on guys that go above the friendly neighborhood Spider-man. “I can’t do that. I’m twenty-four! I’m an adult now, Tony. You can’t just order me to stay home anymore.”

Peter shakes his head and suddenly years of anxiety are spilling over. “You’re not my dad, Tony. I’m going on the mission and not because I’m some fifteen-year-old kid who just wants to stick it to the big man. I’m going because you need Spider-Man.” He regrets it the second that the words leave his mouth but it’s too late and Tony’s walking away and so is he. He goes to his room, feeling more like a child than he has in a long time. 

He managed to snag a doctoral degree at the age of twenty-four. Sitting in those classes had seemed like he’d cheated somehow but it turns out all those years he spent with Tony, working in the garage and creating stuff, got him credits. Those credits combined with the college courses he’d taken in high school let him test out of so many courses. He’d confided in Tony about the way it made him feel but then the genius told him about the short cuts he’d taken. How Tony had felt the same way, they’d had a good couple laughs about Tony’s college experience and then Tony poked him and said ‘You need friends your own age, kiddo’.

Now, Peter has managed to push away one of the three people who he actually feels comfortable around. He puts on the suit, something making him just want to curl up in his bed and scream. Scream because he’s an awful, cruel idiot and now he’s hurt himself and Tony. The man who has only ever been- okay saying he’s always been kind is a bit of a stretch but he’s always had Peter’s best interest at heart. That should be enough.

_“Avengers Assemble.”_

Peter stands in the mirror, just looking at himself for a long moment. God, he’s really messed up now.

By the time that Peter gets to the Quinjet things are already a mess and he knows Tony is past talkable. He’s grumpy and Peter doesn’t have to hear the man’s snark-filled voice to know he’s right. Still, when Tony’s eyes land on Peter’s, something half-mean coming out of his mouth, his face falls momentarily and Peter knows the full extent of the wounds his words caused.

“Tony,” he follows the man back to his spot. Cap had sent them to two separate parts of the jet with a rather disappointing glare sent Peter’s way. Peter feels even worse and decides to ignore the Captain’s direct order to follow Tony back to the engine compartment, somewhere that no one really needs to be. Stark equipment doesn't have any faulty anything so it doesn’t need to be monitored. “Tony, please.”

Tony stops, his legs faltering before he turns around. The mask isn’t up and Peter wishes it was because his mentor’s mouth may be an expressionless line but his eyes never quite hide the pain. “What is it, Parker?”

He hasn’t been ‘Parker’ since he was a kid unwinding too sticky web serum to Tony’s hand, begging the older man not to tell Aunt May. It hurts but… He deserves it. He knows what he said was meant to hit hard and it did and now he’s got to pay the price. “I-I,” there’s nothing that he can say that can take it back. “Tony, I didn’t-”

Tony turns his back,” save the dramatics for the way home, Parker. We’ve got a mission, surely, you should be able to put aside those adult hormones to realize that.” He leaves and Peter feels even worse. Tony’s vindictive and while he’s been on the wrong side of that a couple of times it’s almost always because he’s forced Tony to take care of himself. It’s never been this bad. Never and now he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do. It’s taken years for Tony to even be in the same room as Steve. And Peter knows that Tony still harbors an unease for being around the super soldier. 

“Iron Man, Spider-Man, and Hawkeye I want you in the air.” The rest Peter accidentally drowns out. He just keeps thinking about what he said. _“You’re not my dad, Tony.”_ It’s true, he’s not but it’s not true at the same time. Where did the statement even come from? Sure, he’d thought of it before but only when he was out of his mind with rage because, usually, Tony isn’t taking care of himself or because Tony thinks he’s a five-year-old. He always gets over it. He jumps on his bed. He hangs out with Ned. He builds stuff with Legos. He gets over it. He never means it. 

“Woah, big guy.” Peter webs a bot to a stoplight. He flips out of the way of another, hardly missing a Hammer bots arm that looks oddly like a hand. It catches him on the other side, he’s stuck between two bots now. They’re hitting his skin, cutting and bruising, and he can’t get away. “Ouch! Hey-” Another one lands and hits him square in the chest, the other’s start getting closer and hot fuck he thinks this is it. “I need-”

Tony lands hard on the ground beside him, repulsors blowing away at bots. The noise works too much like gunfire in the Walking Dead. bots start pouring in out of nowhere. Coming for them, coming for Tony. That’s how it happened. All of it. It’s why there’s a giant ass hole in Tony’s chest and all because Peter couldn’t handle three or four Hammer bots. 

“W-What happened?” Pepper stands at the foot of the bed, her hand over her mouth. She’s shocked and when she looks at Peter hoping to find that he’s willing to fill her in, but he’s not looking at her. He won’t look at her. The man she’s watched since he was a boy, who loves her husband and who adores the Avengers, is shutting them all away. He’s got his six-foot body curled up into this tiny little bed-side chair and he’s looking at the floor.

It takes him a moment to speak up, no one exactly jumping to place blame on themselves by answering. So she rubs her face, dragging her hand down her face and her eyes away from her too still husband laying on the bed that’s way too big for him. She looks around the room, feeling more fear spike up as not a soul finds it in themselves to look her in the eyes. “Listen, I know that you all have this whole bound thing. That you all think you have to act like hardened criminals but my husband-”

Peter looks up, catching the way that Pepper has to brush tears away before she can continue. She clears her throat,” my husband is laying in a hospital bed. There’s an Arc Reactor in his chest that I know is old, that he’d never use unless he couldn't tell you not to. So, I’m going to ask one more time-”

“It’s my fault,” Peter stands, his body moving before he can tell it not to. Now he’s standing like an idiot in front of his heroes and Pepper who loves him like her own. “He told me to stay home,” Peter keeps his eyes glued to the floor. He can’t look at Pepper while he admits his crimes. “I-I said… I hurt his feelings because I wanted to go on the mission. So, when I realized that I shouldn’t have gone, when it was too late and I needed to be saved he came down.” Peter wipes a tear off his face, scoffing at how stupid and childish he is. He’s crying and he has no right. He hurt Tony. 

“H-He came down and they were just everywhere,” Peter rubs harder at his eyes. “I-I couldn’t stop them there were too many and one of them grabbed the chest plate. It-It just crushed it like it was nothing. I tried to help b-but… They tore the reactor out and I didn’t stop them. I-It’s my fault.”

“Hardly,” Natasha comes out of nowhere. “Come on, little Petie was in trouble and Daddy came to the rescue.” She looks around the room, settling annoyed glares on everyone but Pepper and Peter. “Pepper, Peter did his best. He dragged Tony to safety. He saved Tony’s life.” Nat looks at Peter, sympathy, and fondness in her eyes. “It just seems that your genius husband has managed to rub off on Spider-Boy.” 

Peter refrains from correcting her, from whining, like he tends to, and reminding her that it’s _Spider-Man_. He’s twenty-four, not fifteen. 

“Is that true, Peter?” It’s a lot less about whether or not Peter thinks Nat is right and a lot more to do with Pepper forcing him to admit that this isn’t his fault. Even if he thinks it is… Maybe Tony has rubbed off on him. So Peter nods and pepper does the most surprising thing, she hugs him. She pulls him tight to her chest and Peter can’t do it, he can’t take it any longer. He sobs into Pepper’s chest. It hurts. It hurts so damn bad and no one understands because he’s just a teammate to everyone else but he’s Peter’s _dad_. He can’t die, not like Ben. 

“It’s okay, Peter. It’s okay.” Pepper presses a kiss to his hair, soothing a hand through his curls. “He’s going to be okay.”

Peter nods but he can’t agree. The tube down Tony’s throat, the arrhythmia that isn’t going away, pneumonia festering it’s ugly head up, and the fever that just keeps climbing. Nothing’s fine and it’s Peter’s fault. “Y-Yeah, okay.”

Peter closes his eyes and draws in a deep rattling breath, it’s not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's about to get a lot worse before it gets any better <3


	3. If You Blink, You'll Miss It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is shit and I have so much anxiety and Endgame being released is not helping

People faint at the sight of it. They paint their houses and children in fake, syrup like types of it. It causes anxiety, alarm, panic at the sight of it and, yet, it is the most important bodily fluid that a human possesses. Without it, there is nothing to transport oxygen, regulate temperature, and control metabolism. Blood, what would happen without it?

At fifteen percent blood loss, there is virtually no consequences. An average blood donor gives 8 to 10%. 

Tony Stark wakes up, half alert and in a daze. Something feels off but he can’t place it. So he looks around the room, it must have been a nightmare. He’s safe and he can hear his heartbeat just behind his head. That means he must have messed up a mission. That makes perfectly good sense and so he braces his sore side with his hand and moves farther into the bed. Never thinks twice about the empty room.

At 15 to 30, there is a change in pace. The body is no longer in homeostasis and it attempts to over-compensate. Victims begin to perspire, the skin will cool, breathing and heartbeats will quicken as the body tries to take in more oxygen. 

The nurse comes to check on Tony, mildly concerned at the lack of color in the older man’s face. He’d hit the call button in his restless sleep but he’s sleeping and he isn’t due for another check-in for another hour so she leaves him to rest. She’ll come back in an hour, check him for fever and see if she needs to talk to a doctor about his oxygen canal.

Azs4t 30 and 40%, the body is no longer able to compensate on its own, blood transfusion is needed. The heart begins to beat too quickly, no longer able to get enough oxygen to tissues. Blood vessels close, core temperature drops, and core circulation becomes a priority. At 30 and 40%, the body has lost 3 to 4 pints of blood. 

After this stage, immediate action must be taken. The next stage is called Hypovolemic shock and from here out the likelihood of survival stands on many legs. Wounds that caused the blood loss, how much blood has already been lost, and how quickly it continues to be lost. Blood loss is a dangerous game to play and rarely do it’s winner feel the rush of first place adrenaline. 

Judging from what Peter can see, collected all in the middle of the floor, there’s… It’s like in those crime shows, the ones like CSI: Miami, where there’s been a victim brutally murdered and for a moment the only thing to do is question the amount of fake blood that they used. The body doesn’t matter but that pool of blood is just so huge, how can all of that be in one human kind of thing. That’s how much blood there is on the floor. 

Acid bites at the back of his throat and he hardly manages to expel it out of his mouth before he sucks a breath in. He feels like he’s going to asphyxiate right there, right next to all of the blood. He’s not sure if it’s mercy or torture that he doesn’t.

It's Tuesday and Peter had thought that the world was treating him rough at two o’clock, three hours before he made it to the hospital. He got a C- on his Geo project proposal and it doesn’t make it any better that he hates the stupid class and that the professor hates him too. Then, he was turning his New York water system essay in two hours late and he’s, still, pretty sure he’s getting a head cold. 

So he went to bed, knowing damn well that he’ll just be back up at six because his adult body likes to torture him like that. Only, he never made it to six because at five forty-four a.m. his phone went off. It took him a long moment to find it, his head buried under his pillow muffled his senses just enough to make the ringing seem impossibly far away. 

_“We need you at the hospital.”_

He gags but nothing come up. A thin line of spit hangs at the edge of his lips, falling slowly to the floor. “Oh, God,” he stands up straight, his head spinning. He rights himself on his feet with the nearby wall, leaning too heavily, and finding himself on his ass. He looks up and down the hall, no one. 

“Peter!”

“Peter!”

He fell asleep. How did he fall asleep?

When he opens his eyes again, somehow just blinking and moving from the blood to a stiff hospital chair, it’s all too loud. He can hear heartbeats, _all_ of them. It hurts so bad and the lights are buzzing and too bright. People are walking and he wishes he could just make it all stop but then-

“Breathe,” Pepper’s voice is like silk. It doesn’t hurt and he realizes that there’s an IV in his arm. The nurse finishes dumping the solution into his bloodstream and Peter can’t even manage to stay in his right mind enough to thank her. He’d have to thank Tony, once again, for his brilliant work with the sensory drug. It makes nothing hurt. 

“All of it was on the floor,” Peter mumbles, his head tipping back. He’s so fucking tired. His throat feels dry and he swallows thickly, grimacing when his mouth tastes like vomit. “Pepper?”

There’s a hand that combs through his hair and he can hear Happy’s booming voice fighting with someone nearby. They both soothe him farther into the chair. Pepper’s always there when he needs her. No wonder Tony loves her so much, she’s the best.

“Pepper, it was everywhere.” His voice breaks and his tears feel good as they sting his cheeks. They fall down, heating him from the outside. It reminds him of the time he sat on the roof with Tony after Aunt May died. It poured rain on them but Tony stood there with him until he was ready to come in. Until he was okay. “I miss him. I miss him so much Pepper. I want to be a kid again, I want to pretend to fall asleep on the couch with him.” He starts to get worked up again and Pepper soothes him back down. Stroking his hair and pulling him tight until he’s almost asleep in her arms.

“Peter, I want you to listen to me, okay.” Her lips are moving against his hair, moving curls as smothers sobs. “Tony is hurt, bad. They caught it in time. All that blood? That was them saving him. He’s got the best doctors, he’s in the best hands."

The best hands lose Tony.

It’s sometime in the deep night when Pepper comes calling. The night around them is alive with silence and it’s haunting secrets. The windows reflect nightlife and the streets are eaten alive by partying teenagers and partners as they walk, intoxicated, done the sidewalk hand-in-hand. The halls of the hospital spit sound, echoing, repeating down empty corridors. Full of life like a coffin, all of the things that used to be.

“W-What?” Pepper’s hands tremble like tsunami waves beating away at city skyscrapers. Tears start to pool and spill out of the corners of her eyes. Hot, tears are always so hot, and thick as they cloud her vision. It’s because bad things happen to other people. Tragedies never happen to you. They don’t happen to good people, it isn’t fair. The world doesn’t accept ‘fair’ as a currency to ward off the bad, unfortunately. 

Peter’s walking. Pepper had left him in the waiting room with a soft kiss placed on his brow. His mind had started to think. Over-analyzing. Pepper and Tony wanted kids. They’d tried, Tony told him and then let it slip that they wouldn’t be able to. _‘It’s fine. We’re happy with what we have.’_ Peter spent an entire year thinking that Tony meant that Tony and Pepper were just content with another and their robots. It was, quite literally, a crack to the head that made him realize what Tony meant. 

He’s enough. For them, he was close enough.

Peter vomits in the trashcan in one of the halls. 

Curiosity certainly made things worse there, for Peter. He needed more, he needed a reason, an explanation as to why Pepper and Tony can’t have kids. They are perfect parent material. He founds his answer from some physical therapy videos on the internet and a ‘bad day’. Tony’s chest is ripped to shreds. He can’t lift his arms above his head. He can’t move and sit with ease, it pulls on muscles that have been cut apart to fit a reactor. So, they can’t have kids because Tony can’t even lay on his side. He can’t take deep breaths and he can’t have sex. 

“You smell… God, awful.” Tony is standing by the large bay windows, the night lights passing over his eyes. He watches Peter wipe the spit from his lips, grimace at the state his mouth is in, and make his way over. His eyes don’t move much farther down that Tony’s chest. He’s glad for that, he’s not wearing any underwear and he’s pretty sure this gown leaves little to the imagination. 

Peter looks at the IV pole that Tony’s leaning heavily on,” aren’t you post-op?”

Tony shrugs as well as he can,” I don’t know, kid. The last thing… I can’t remember anything past those blueberry waffles.” They had blueberry waffles last week. It was Tony’s birthday and it was a gift from Steve. They all had gifts ready to give to him, secret, of course, because he hates his birthday. “N-No,” Tony gasps and grabs his ribs. “I remember the hammer bots. Dickheads ruined my armor.”

Peter nods, looking down to the ground. He’s not sure how to explain that it’s his fault. That he’s the reason that Tony’s hurt. “You were right, you know? I shouldn’t have gone.” Peter rubs his chin, scratching at it. “I-I’m sorry.”

Tony shakes his head,” Nah, I still treat you like a kid. That’s not fair.” His head hangs low and Peter can see his muscles trembling underneath his gown. “I’m proud of you, Pete. You’re not mine, I know that, but watching you grow has been the greatest honor anyone has given me.” Tony smiles softly,” you’re brilliant and I am beyond proud. I’m your biggest fan, Pete, no matter what. Just, take it slow, okay? Don’t get caught up in the small stuff. Life’s so big, if you blink, you’ll miss it.” Tony looks up, eyes red, tears pooling,” and... I love you, kiddo.” 

“Peter?”

Peter looks away from Tony, his heart suddenly beating out of his chest. Pepper’s coming down the hall, she’s crying too. He turns back to Tony and there’s nothing but an empty spot on the floor. “No. No, no, no.”

“Baby,” Pepper tries to reach out to touch him but Peter jerks away. She looks so heartbroken by his action but he can’t. “It was his heart-”

“No!” Peter sobs, pointing to the spot where Tony had just stood. “He was right there! He-He told me he loved me! He was right there. Right there-” his shoulder’s shake and he feels so tired. This feels nothing like losing Uncle Ben. It’s not like being an orphan, it’s something else internally. “I don’t want him to go, Pepper.”

This time, he let’s her touch him. She pulls him against her, her hand snaking into his curls just like Tony does. 

Correction. Did.

 

 

**Three Years Later**

Peter sits by his father’s gravestone. Not the man who gave him his genetics but the man who raised him. The man who turned him into who he is right now. Four PhDs, a million or so Spidey-suits, and one little girl later and Peter finally understands what that is.

“Daddy?” The little girl sits down beside him, settling for a moment before climbing into his lap and looking at the gravestone in front of them. “Would Tony have liked mint chocolate chip ice cream?”

Peter chuckles, sniffling and bringing his tears to a nice halt. His voice sounds scratchy but his smile is just the right amount of fondness. “I can promise you that Tony would spend as many weekends as he could with you just eating mint chocolate chip ice cream.” He brushes a stray hair behind her ear,” he would have loved you.”

She smiles sweetly and stands back up,” so why don’t we go eat ice cream for him?” He shakes his head at her and she beams even more. “Come on, Daddy! I saw an ice cream man! Please? Please?”

Peter gives in and nods and she squeals in excitement.

Peter takes a rattling breath and looks back at the ground.

_Life’s so big, if you blink, you’ll miss it._

Peter draws in another deep rattling breath, knowing he has to beat his overexcited child to the car. The world seems to finally be going right. Superheroes are untied. His personal life is thriving. Happily married and has a beautiful child. It’s just missing one person. 

He exhales. 

On days like this, he has to remind himself to exhale.

“See you later, dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not seen Endgame yet. I'm so scared because it's one thing to kill Tony in a fic and it's something else to have to watch RDJ do his thing. AnYWaY. Don't tell me. I want to be completely surprised, even though... I have my suspensions.


End file.
